HELLO!!
Dear Friend,
There are times when I have all kinds of mental aberrations, which do not leave me in peace. I then have to sit down and write, to recuperate my peace of mind. What you find here, are some of the things, I feel I could possibly let out into the world.
It would be so kind of you to write comments on what you read and let me know what you think. I don't only want to hear positive comments, some constructive comments would also be very welcome.
Love to you all!
Bridget
29.6.11
My Darling Lynney-Pinney,
I thought you should know as the first person, as you know me intuitively better than most. Although so far away, we can communicate with our inner souls, wherever we are.
THERE HAS BEEN A BREAK THROUGH!!
I feel ENCOMPASSED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT, I HAVE FOUND PEACE BEYOND COMPREHENSION.
Something changed, dropped from me 3 weeks ago, the inner torment I have had raging in and around me all these years, has subsided and there is this wonderful, clear stillness. Knowing that I know that I know I am loved by God, I can rest and am assured of His support.
A few days ago, I began to write to another fellow back painist, a believer in our church, who recently had a difficult spinal op done by a surgeon in Auckland. No one else wanted to touch her case. I only got in contact with her, because I have been voted on to the vestry and her husband is on there too. We met at a service one day and began to talk.
I heard myself saying to him, “Fred I would love to pay Cec (his wife) a visit, while she is recuperating. I will come next week and make the arrangements per phone, nearer the time.”
Well due to what happened next with me, the numbness in my leg and what seemed like an impending spinal op, I had to sit at home like the Queen of Sheba on a throne of raw eggs! So I just began, without knowing the lady, but feeling a deep inner bond to write to her, as I had their email address.
It hasn’t been a week yet and yet we seem to have clicked. It is a breakthrough for me, to have someone who feels, understands, accepts. She seems to be the one at the moment, who helps me to reflect the person I always was, but could not see in myself.
Several times during the past weekend, when Jenny and I were having such deep, heart wrenching talks, about if I died or if I continued to live, Jenny would say, “Mum, just recognise how far you have come and how difficult the journey has been and how well you have succeeded!”
Now suddenly, I can see something of what the others saw/see in me! Another unique person that God has formed. Yes, unique, loved, forgiven at peace. God parts the curtain of comprehension of who I am and how others see me. It was closed before and I doubted there was anything good in me.
The past nights, to night’s the third, I wake up after a few hours of sleep, begin to have these prayer, praise sessions with God, meditate and have my mental aberrations on his GLORY, LOVE and FOREGIVENESS. I feel frenzied by the strength of the waves in and surrounding me and my thoughts, they don’t let me free. I feel entangled by the raging torrent of blessings, clarity or spirit and thought about how utterly protected I feel. Never before encountered!
This night, I can no longer just lie there, I have to get on and write it down, get it out of my head, express it. 2 hours later, I have a sort of way to perhaps how to get it down on the computer, to free me for new thoughts, feelings.
I send you my as yet, not complete, (PROBABLY CHANGES HAVE TO BE DONE) thoughts on being
FREE AT LAST.
I believe this turning point, will also bring the healing that so many around the world have requested God to fulfil in my life!
Please feel free to comment in any which way, if you have time!?!
How is it going with Gene and how are you both coping?
I uphold you in my prayer and ask Him to strengthen you both for the journey.
I am engulfed in His love!
Do you feel some of His waves coming over to you?
Bridget
A BREAK THROUGH JENNY! A BREAK THROUGH!!
I AM FREE SUDDENLY OF ALL THE THINGS THAT HAUNTED ME!
WHAT A RELIEF! FORTY-THREE OR FIFTY-FIVE YEARS IN THE MAKING, DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, DATE WISE.
I THINK I HAVE TURNED THE CORNER TOWARDS HEALING.
I WAS SEEKING GOD FOR ALL THESE YEARS AND NEVER FOUND THE
“PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING!” THAT SO MANY QUOTE AND TALK ABOUT HAVING
I HAVE IT NOW.
I AM BATHED IN HIS LOVE,
IN HIS LIGHT.
NO MORE SELFDOUBT – JUST PERFECT PEACE
HARD TO EXPLAIN, WONDERFUL TO FINALLY ENCOUNTER
THE THINGS YOU WISHED I COULD SEE, I NOW BEGIN TO SEE, LIKE A VEIL PULLED BACK. HOW SPECIAL I AM, AS GOD HAS MADE ME UNIQUELY FOR HIS PLEASURE. I DON’T NEED TO PLEASE ANYONE ELSE, I DON’T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT THE OTHERS MIGHT BE THINKING. I CAN BE ME, AS HE IS HE AND HE COVERS ME COMPLETELY WITH LOVE, PEACE UNDERSTANDING.
WHAT MORE CAN I WANT?
MUM IN PEACE AT LAST, SURRENDERED CURED IN A TWINKLE OF HIS LOVING EYES!!
Free at Last!
Free to praise YOU unceasingly
in Your magnanimity!
Free to accept that You know it better!
Free to be me and leave You to get on with the rest!
And what a rest that is.....
Free at Last! (2)
What does it mean to be free?
It means to be unfettered in any way by
the past....
the present.....
the future....
Free at Last!
Free at Last!
Free at Last!
Free at Last! (3) BEYOND COMPREHENSION
Cleansed, redeemed, and forgiven at last at 63!
Tabula Rasa!
PEACE, ALMIGHTY PEACE
CACOONS ME, IN YOU!
Fifty-five years of inner torment, insecurity,
LONGING, NOT KNOWING WHERE TO BELONG,
Wondering in this world the life of a lost, lonely soul
Seeking, trying to find a grip, a niche, a nest, for ME to rest.
Silly me!
All that doubt and suffering unnecessary....
Gone P-U-F-F in a twinkle of Your loving eye!
With an immediate clarity, the opaque lenses cleared!
And my world swims in an ocean of YOUR love and my comprehension,
It was always there for the taking, you waited patiently,
but my past haunted, taunted, tainted me unrelentingly.
You waited patiently all this time, leaving me free choice,
until I could catch up.
THANK YOU!
No more demons!
OH WHAT PERFECT PEACE SURROUNDS ME!
BEYOND ALL COMPREHENSION
Free at Last! (4)
No longer allowing past lies, be my truth!
I am unique, precious and loved by You Lord.
Your reality, generosity never fails to amaze me!
Giving me the stability I craved and could have had all along,
If I had ONLY not been blind!
Whether “they” think
I am doing the right thing,
am their kind of person.... no longer matters
I am Yours! That’s all that counts!
With a clarity never before encountered,
Enveloped in the safety of Your truth,
Not needing anything else to sustain me.
No longer needing the approval for my existence from others.
Just knowing You and Your acceptance
upholds me,
sustains me
assures me
Unique because YOU are.
Protected, cuddled in the palm of your hand,
Gently caressed with the waves of your love,
Looking forward to a relationship of an accepting Father
Free at last (5) The Missing Link
The earthly parents given me,
also lived their pasts.
Repeating the lies given them ,
Living tormented.
It is written the sins of the fathers will be passed onto the fourth generation
Which generation am I?
Jesus came to show us the way, the truth and the light
Can only come through YOU.
How do I know?
Suddenly I know with a certainty,
the sins of my fathers have dropped off me....
Like a ton of bricks,
GONE.....
No more:
YOU CAN’T.
YOU’LL NEVER BE THE...
In You Lord I have my being, my guiding post, my light.
Thank YOU! I PRAISE YOU LORD ALONE
I made YOU wait so long,
Please forgive me.
It wasn’t as if I wasn’t trying.
But there was a missing link.
You finally passed it to me, THREE WEEKS AGO,
when I relented,
gave up and let You be YOU!
Free at Last (6) ONCE I GAVE UP!!
I lie awake at night, in a reverie of your splendour
Praising you, in a delirium of unbelievable incomprehension
of how simple it all is.
Others told me of how simple it is, “to give yourself to the Lord”.
Simple...
NEH, neh, not me!
For me it all had to be complicated.
That seems to be how I’m made or how I think,
Anyway, it’s now OK to be me!
I was blind and unable to find the way,
Tripping over my own thoughts,
the unseen traps.
I needed you to show me!
ONCE I GAVE UP!!
Series two after 2 hours of unrestful sleep, further ideas of how to express this all in words
Free at Last (1) Route Forty-three
I read it took them FORTY YEARS to reach God’s Promised Land,
YET it could have taken 10 DAYS without.....
Doubting ... yet fed by God, all needs supplied,
Unthankful
Dissatisfied, squabbling ......
about water or anything negative,
Disrespecting God’s orders– they followed other gods, melting Gold.
Jealousy and more of all the human weaknesses we all have.
Neither knowing the way nor listening,
Wanting to return to Egypt, they did not face the directional path God had given them
Of all that came from servitude, bondage,
One stepped over the Jordan into God’s express wish for them all.
Unbelievable! Astonishing!
Going around the mountain 40 years ? How is THAT possible?
In the Wilderness
My route has taken FORTY-THREE.
Joyce said the other day, you can’t praise Him on the mountains,
unless you go through the Wilderness.
HOW TRUE!!
I praise YOU and ADORE YOU AND NEVER WANT TO CEASE WONDERING AT YOUR MAJESTY!
Amen.
A CERTAIN URGENCY CREEPS OVER ME TO TRY TO FIND THE RIGHT WORDS, EXPRESS THE FEELING SLITHERING THROUGH MY HEAD, KEEPING ME AWAKE, DESPITE MY NEED FOR REST. A KIND OF MADNESS. DRIVEN, TO FIND THE RIGHT WORDS. PUT DOWN THE WORDS SCURRYING THROUGH MY HEAD, I LIE THERE THINKING, YES THAT TOO HAS TO BE SAID. I BETTER GET UP AND LET THE IMPS BE PUT ON PAPER, IN CASE I LATER FORGET WHAT THE IDEA WAS.
Izzy amI Thoughts (1)
Are wrong,
if you love
Izzy amI Thoughts (2)
No dissention necessary
Without them.
Izzy amI Thoughts (3)
Is HE right?
Am I wrong?
Put love in doubt
Izzy amI Thoughts (3)
Separate us instead
OF UNITING
Izzy amI Thoughts (4)
Are just a way of hoping my insecurity will disappear.
To justify my behaviour
