What would you now wish for your friend? If you had a choice to make?

Cec and Fred,

I am very sorry to hear of your friend's death. I feel for you and Fred, these are the times when we question God's ways.

It would seem from my observation that death never comes late enough, even when expected.
Not having forewarning, seems to be beyond our human imagination.

I see death as a friend, but we humans always want something, which is not available to us:

The choice of how each of us will die, is not in our hands.
It is another of those things where we have to be humble and accepting of God's way, not being within our range of choices.
It is also something challenging, which each of us has to master.
It might be hard for his family and friends, but it was an instant felling of this person, instead of having to go through interminable medical appointments, prolonging life steps, sad thoughts about how the family is going to manage, etc. etc.
If you have a terminal illness, then you might prefer to be having 'a drop dead experience'.
So I find myself envying this person and wishing my family would not have to go through what is ahead of us.
Even now, when I am still able to manage my life quite well, I see the helpless look in Tom's eyes. The suffering he goes through is greater than any I am going through and I am powerless to change his suffering and he to change mine, although I feel I am suffering less than he does. This is an unspeakable agony I observe in my powerlessness, many tears have flown on this subject already and there will be many more before I take my last breath.
Each night when I lie, enveloped in Tom's arms, I feel his love for me so intensively and he feels it too. We say the words that we love each other and in these words are the words unspoken of how we are powerless to protect one another from the suffering we each know the other has gone through that day. And also the unspoken words that our love is going to have to be enough to carry us through what we are experiencing, come what may.
At least 5-10 times daily one of us will go to the other and give a kiss or a hug, which helps us to strengthen each other for the daily journey we encounter of thoughts, observations and facts being brought up, not mention doubts and insecurities.
As I only have one precious child, I know she suffers and can hardly imagine how long it will be before I actually die, but she is confronted with these painful thoughts constantly. Oh how I wish to spare her from all of this, but once again I am powerless against all of this.I can only pray that God protects her and helps her through this time and in the future when I am no longer here.
Jenny and I love to talk to each other. The thoughts sometimes come to me that we should not talk to each other too much, so that when I die, she doesn't suffer too much and miss too much these long intensive conversations we have. What kind of thoughts are these? They seem completely crazy, but they arise out of a wish to help her not to hurt so much. But of course we talk on, as neither of us has the power not to talk, as long as I am still able. Buckets of tears fall, as I write these words. It hurts me so much that I am incapable of shielding my beloved daughter from this anguish.

The family friends have been spared the anguish of watching a perfectly healthy person, slowly dwindle away, in pain, be half the person they once were, etc.

The question is basically:

How does one complete life in a way which is still worthy and reflective of the values one had and not become a blubbering pity party number, when you know you probably will not be granted healing?

To die with dignity, when your body is dying off bit by bit requires much soul searching, strength and determination.

So Cec and Fred, I don't know whether these thoughts help you, but they might give you a new perspective for being thankful that your friend's wife and family have a tremendous shock to cope with now, as you two do too, but have perhaps been spared much heartache with some of the listed agonies families have to cope with over many years, when the experience of dying is a slow process of daily being able to discover, they can no longer do whatever the discovery of the day is for that person.

Much strength is needed to say goodbye to a beloved person, but I see there is even more needed when the person dies slowly.

What would you now wish for your friend? If you had a choice to make?

I send you God's heavenly love and wisdom to cope with your loss.

Bridget