HEALTH REPORT 6.7.11

6.7.11
SQUISHED NERVES IN THE SPINE?
Another month started, it seems like yesterday and yet already 6 days have evaporated and I ask myself what I have been doing with these SIX PRECIOUS DAYS? PUFF GONE!

It should be possible to give a blow by blow, if anyone had time to listen and I time to think it all through. Even if I did, I don’t think my life is THAT exciting that I have to do this!

But there are things going on which I find extra ordinary at this time.

Firstly, when I packed my bags, ready for a spinal op and a stay of 10 days, the MRI scan turned out to be MUCH more positive than anyone could have imagined.

I HAVE BEEN REPRIEVED, given time to heal without an OP! Wow! God is so amazing. So I wrote 28.6.11, the following to my friends!

Dearest All,
I went up to Hamilton packed to the gills for staying at least 7-10 days and then, "Wolff, wolff, wolff", there is no need to have a spinal op after all! Praise be to prayer!

It would seem that the MRI has revealed that the spine has sunk, the canal has been compromised (squished) BUT that there is still enough room for the nerves to be free enough to not have any pressure relief ops, at this time.

Apparently, I have been doing too much exercise and I have cracked the softened spine. NO ONE, ever told me how I should/should not behave, as I seemingly got better! The crack cannot be changed, so I now have to behave like someone who might at any time be going into an operation and there is no knowing, if I might not get on to the OP table in an emergency at any time, should I make the wrong move.

Despite all of this, I am extremely happy not to be going this week probably and it feels like a huge reprieve. There were a few more revelations, not all pluses, but at least the reason for this op have been squished and I am now left to rearrange my range of movements, to what might be the right amount. Whatever this means?

Leave you with that and not bore you with any more of the story! I have 3 further medical visits during the next week, to look at other aspects of how to continue life, with the above aspects taken into account and some still emerging facts to contemplate.
I feel prayer covering the whole event/non-event, the quiet prayer which on the surface was not obvious has been the signs of God's victory or God working in hidden canals! Thank you all once more for praying for me, it is obviously indispensable!!

Much love,

Bridget
During the past week, I have spent several hours up at the hospital talking to radio oncology constultants, physiotherapists, surgeons, had MRI reports, today I go hopefully for the last time for months to come to see my general consulting oncologist, who has been away since about March. This is her first week back and I have missed her sorely!

As I am just a normal client there, not a private paying one, I, like thousands of others have to accept that I must wait my turn for treatment. It means there are times where there is no doctor to see you who is qualified sufficiently and you have to accept that you are seeing a registrar – not even an oncologist, but someone who is toying with the idea that they might become the type of doctor they are now assisting. They neither have any of the training or any experience. I have seen a few different ones during the past year and the quality of their work or even the way they behave differs so dramatically.

I had the following conversation with the fill-in oncologist:
Dr: “The registrar will see you the next time, after I leave.”
B: “Yes, but he doesn’t know anything about all of this and he is going to be making decisions about a spinal operation?!”
Dr: “Oh, but he is learning fast”
B: “Sorry, but learning fast cannot make up for experience. We are talking about my spine and whether decisions should be made by a registrar!”

When you are perhaps going to have a spinal op and your normal oncologist is on a sabbatical, the consulting specialist for radio therapy – is having their annual leave - and you hear through the grapevine that the neurologist says ..., then you hear the radio oncologist say exactly the opposite to the one who is normally involved in your case has categorically stated. That doctor even doesn’t want to commit to any statement which might involve having said anything which might be wrong. I mean that doctor is about 60 years old, tons of experience, good bedside manner, but unwilling to commit to anything unless the cold pistol is felt at his heart and the trigger is about to release!

B: “So now we know what the state of my spine is, can you tell me how much I can now do/move?”
Dr: “Well, I am a radio consultant and I cannot answer your question. Basically you shouldn’t do anything, because you might be making your squished nerves worse and the spinal op is needed immediately.”
B: “Well, I am a Bowen therapist and I know that if I just continue to do nothing, my spine will deteriorate faster and the ligaments and muscles supporting my spine will wither. I therefore have to move.”
Dr: “Yes, that is basically true. But I am a radio consultant and I cannot tell you what you can do or not do.”

Then the registrar says some things which basically does not enhance the subject, but puts a red herring in the path.

The sum of that conversation, which went on, on differing aspects for at least 30 minutes, was that he was not going to step 1 mm from his known path. He can only say things on his specialising subject and what he had to say there, made NO sense at all. He basically said that were the nerve canal to become more compromised and the nerve clamped, he would advise having further radio therapy! What a lot of absolute nonsense! Imagine having radiation for a mechanical problem! On top of which his colleague, my consulting specialist = probably the head of the department had categorically stated that I am NOT to have any further radiation on my back, as further radiation would make my bones so soggy and brittle that the spine would cave in - Which is also what the MRI scan had acknowledged! (The spinal sinking and crack being a direct result of the previous radiation in September.)

You find yourself discovering you are alone and have to now make decisions for yourself, based on what you hear, what your instinct is telling you and resting on God, who is basically the only one worth listening to – long term!

THE MRI REPORT:
I received my own copy of the MRI report, something I had requested. After wading through the medical Chinese, I find that there is much hope and many positives in this report. The content of which I have not been explained at the hospital - Tom and I wade through it together.... I stuttering to pronounce all the nice long words and then me trying to explain to him and myself, what each word actually means and we two come to the conclusion that the report is actually very positive – nobody has told us this so far, we are elated and reprieved, AT THIS MOMENT.

Basically there is no change in the cells in the radiated area – which means, there is no further cancer growth, it might have been stopped? For good? There are a few new areas between the scapulae, but they are not endangering any nerves, AT THIS MOMENT.

So far the general picture, since all the different scans have been done, is one of coming and going. Some areas where there were dabs of cancer, have GONE!! Other areas, where there was a decline, there is a slight increase in the size of previous decline. So it is not possible to give one clear answer. Tom and I feel reprieved, free to live for months to come in hope and begin to discover new ways for me to move again. Hallelujah!

The frustration with the radio consultant from last week just becomes another experience of how people try to save their necks and live in a non-committed way. I find it hard to comprehend how such a person is able to lie at peace at night, if he always lives and works in such a way. This way of living life seems to me to be such a compromise and so foreign to the way I live life.

I JUST LOVE LIFE AND COULD NOT DREAM TO LIVE A NON-COMMITTED LIFE. IT WOULD BE MY DEATH – I HAVE TO HAVE MY FINGER ON LIFE’S PULSE. THE THOUGHT OF BEING ANY OTHER WAY, IS NOT A CHOICE FOR MY LIFE. IT’S ALL OR NOTHING! HOW PALTRY LIFE MUST BE, IF YOU LIVE A WATERED DOWN VERSION?

I find it hard to believe or understand how such a doctor is of any help, with such a stance? I am so thankful that I am not little Aunt Annie seeking an answer to my health problem. Because little Aunt Annie, won’t be getting a clear picture either, but she has to allow the doctor who has no clear opinion, doesn’t want to commit HIMSELF to make up her mind for her. How confusing this must be for her!

MY APPOITNMENT WITH LOU HAYES – MY BREAST SURGEON
I soldiered on last week and was very lucky to then have an appointment to talk to my breast surgeon. Lou Hayes – a real FULL BLOODED WOMAN, STRONG, CARING AND COMPLETELY HONEST!! WHAT A CHANGE FROM THE DISHCLOTH OF A DOCTOR SPOKEN TO TWO DAYS PREVIOUSLY!!
I have come to talk to her on the subject of whether there would be any good in now having my breast removed, despite the metastatic cancer in my body.

She welcomes me, she hasn’t seen me for 10 months, just 3 weeks before Tom and I married. She immediately tells me that she can see I have been working on my healing and that I am so obviously in tune with my body and that I am looking really wonderful.

She comes straight to the point and is honest about an answer to my questions. The long and short of it all is: THERE ARE NO CLEAR ANSWERS AS TO HOW THIS WHOLE THINGS WORKS OUT. People are all different and there is no knowing what will happen if the breast is removed. For some it its good, for others the same op will be like putting a match to the fire. There is no way of predicting what the outcome will be for any individual person.

Removing a breast is considered to be a heavy operation, which takes away power from the body for some time. It needs energy to overcome such radical surgery and on top of that women react differently to such treatment, due to their own mental approach of their image – Lou and I basically just scale past this subject. As I am convinced that I have some breasts, they are something I wasn’t born with, they are given me to nurture children, this is no longer necessary and so if one of them is going to hinder my survival, then it must be removed and all that other stuff with me as a sex symbol and my breasts as the outer sign of whether I am sexy or not, doesn’t really get any buttons pushed.

Over and above this, I have to say that perhaps this is such a non-subject, because Tom and I have reached a beautiful space of healing, closeness and peace that the subject of whether my breast is ON or OFF, is insignificant! When I asked Tom what he felt about me having my breast removed, he looked at me and was angry and said I am NOT married to your breast. I am married to YOU!!

So this aspect of the breast removal is definitely ticked off!

Our conversation continues. She is of the opinion that seeing I am so in tune with my body, I should also only do the op if my body is telling me to do so. I should go for minimalistic surgery and not do anything grandiose. She also likes alternative therapies, so I can see she is somehow applauding me for my approach.

WE THEN TALK ABOUT PROLONGING MY LIFE AND HOW WE SHOULD SEE THIS. She is quite clear and her words, clarity, do me so much good! She makes it quite clear to me that WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT EXPECTING A HEALING, we are only now talking about extending life with hopefully a decent life worth living. She says to me, ”Well Bridget, when we give a diabetic insulin we are prolonging their life or if we give someone tablets for their high blood pressure we are stopping them from having a heart attack, which is still the no. 1 killer. So when we prolong your life, we hope you will be able to have some more years in comfort and happiness.” We discuss this point and feel the load of being able to talk openly without drama about me dying, such a release. Thank you God that you sent this lovely woman to speak to me and make me feel comfortable without pathos on this subject, that makes so many people uncomfortable.

So after we have run through all the different possibilities, she suddenly says to me, “Well let me tell you what I would do in your place: I would not have the operation unless my body was telling me clearly to have it done. I would carry on with the tablets you are taking and if they begin to not have the desired effect, then you change them. I would leave my breast alone. It is NOT giving you any problems at present, so just leave it.”

WOW WHAT A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS WOMAN AND THAT CONSULTANT!! WHAT A RELIEF!! WHAT A PLEASURE TO SPEAK TO HER!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU LOU YOU ARE AN ANGEL.

I leave her feeling elated. She has not lectured me on what I chose to do. She has accepted my opinion, allowed me to be different to probably 99.9999% of her clients and I feel good about how I live my life and the choice I made. It was not a choice that many would like to make, but I have done it MY way!

PHYSIO THERAPY INPUT – SPECIALISING IN MUSCLES, NERVES FROM HIPS TO UNDERCARRIAGE
Her cards says: Specialising in Continence & Women’s Health, pregnancy. Colorectal/bowel health, sexual dysfunction, pelvic pain, relaxation, postural advice www.pelvichealthphysio.co.nz

I go to visit Linley Edmeades - one of the lovely people I have in my assisting circle. We have already got to know each other at least 6 months ago now. The first woman I could talk to on all aspects of my undercarriage. A subject few understand and an area which holds so many aspects of our well being. I go there this time to try to discover what I would really be able to do, given the present circumstances, with the helpful advice from the consulting radio therapist. “do, but don’t do anything”. We talk about it all, read the MRI report together and make a small plan, which seems to free me to do some exercise. So I am happy and go home, feeling slightly free to be.

Do What You're Called to Do!
Written by Bob & Debby Gass
Wednesday, 6 July 2011
'...A man must be content to receive the gift...given him from Heaven...' John 3:27 AMP
We love to quote the promise, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me' (Philippians 4:13 NKJV). But that promise doesn't mean you can do whatever you want, or what somebody else does. No, Paul is saying you can do anything God calls you to do, for with each of His assignments comes His assistance. This verse actually teaches you to stay within the boundaries of what God's called you to do, and not try to undertake things that are not part of His will for you. That's not negativism, it's wisdom. God wants you looking to Him for your answers, not others. That doesn't mean you can't learn from others, it just means the plan that will lead you to success must come from God.
What is God's will for your life? Find it, do it, otherwise you'll live in frustration, competing and comparing yourself with others.
John the Baptist said, 'A man must be content to receive the gift which is given him from Heaven' (John 3:27). Read the previous verses and you'll discover that some of John's disciples were getting upset because Jesus was baptising too, and the crowds were leaving John and flocking to Him. If John hadn't been secure in his God-given identity and calling, he might have become fearful and jealous. But he displayed a different attitude - one you need to take to heart. He said, '[I] can receive nothing [he can claim nothing, he can take unto himself nothing] except as it has been granted to him from Heaven. [A man must be content to receive the gift which is given him from Heaven...]' (John 3:27-29 AMP). And the same goes for you!