8.7.11 HEALTH NEWS

8.7.11 HEALTH REPORT

I WAS ABLE TO SEE MARION KUPER ON HER FIRST DAY BACK AT WORK. SHE IS MY LOVELY DUTCH ONCOLOGIST, WHO HAS BEEN AWAY SINCE MARCH!

I realise that this was a special visit arranged for me, because my situation is not quite as good as I would like to believe it is. Normally when I go to see her, the waiting room is sprinkled with patients and here I am on a non-clinic day, being seen by her. It must be urgent and truly needing her immediate attention.

She is the one who told me 2 days after Tom and I were married that I have 3 years to live and I slowly begin to believe her prediction. Although in my head, I am quite convinced God will heal me. The Bible quote for this has been: “You do not receive, because you did not ask”. Well in the meantime, I have demanded of God that he heal me and maybe he will, but maybe he has another plan for my life and I will find this out by and by?

So here I am with a happy greeting reunion of us two. She promises not to leave me again for such a long time and that she has been writing a doctorate thesis, which she will have to go to Holland to proclaim. She hasn’t quite completed it, but she is more or less finished. She understands that it has been difficult for me during the past months being pushed back and forth without any person feeling completely responsible for my case. Well I survived, didn’t I? She says in future, she alone will be the person I see and I will no longer be sent around the hospital to all kinds of people, who have nothing to say.

She makes a résumé of the present situation. There is doubt in her voice as to where I am at present. There is some kind of suspicion that the anti-hormone treatment is no longer having the desired effect and the cancer is being allowed to creep up and in, again. The cancer is still in the region where the spine has sunk and cracked, but at the moment is not doing anything worth mentioning, but it could begin again. We have no idea when. (This would not be good news, as it would begin to eat at the nerves and be quite painful.)

She measures the breast tumour and comes up with a new dimension of about 8 mm increase and the possible extension of the liver lesion. I tell her my pancreas is playing up, which is not such good news for the liver, as it will drag the liver down too.

So now what to do? Well we have to do some more intensive scans on breast and liver and then see what the result is. Then we can discuss a.s.a.p. afterwards what the results of the scan will be and go from there.

She also tells me, I should avoid walking as much as possible, as the spine is already compromised and any walking, will just pile on the pressure on to a weakened back. Swimming, Swimming, Swimming, Swimming, should be my mantra.

We talk once more, like I did with Lou Hayes about PROLONGING my life and she says she wants to see these scans, then we can talk about what we should do. She begins to get my mind framed up on perhaps looking into chemo therapy – something I am very much against. But then again I find myself wanting to live on for a little while longer and I am willing to do ANYTHING to do this.

Of course this could be a purely selfish wish, as it contains some dangers for me. If I wish to prolong my life and my back caves in, then firstly I will be in a lot of real agony, I know what I am talking about, I’ve been there already and please God, should it be possible, spare me this! Also I would then be completely lame and need constant attention. So NOT really such a good idea is it?

I suppose, I will have to bathe myself in lots of prayer and ask others to pray too, nearer the time. I really don’t want to be a nuisance to anyone and allowing others to look on at me suffering, is not exactly kind to them, is it?

So rather not be selfish, die earlier and leave everyone without too much dramatic nursing heroics.

I find myself thinking that maybe Jenny and I should go in October to Cuba for 10 days, so that we get something I want to do, off my bucket list, before she begins her masters in Munich 20.10.11. Who knows how much time I have left and then how much time I have without a wheel chair too?
Must talk tomorrow to Jenny about this, see what she thinks about it all!